There was “the front”, the life of lovers, free and light. Then these 9 months apart, so quickly passed. Here comes the time of “after baby”, the entry into the life of parents. The challenge: do not let the couple of lovers dissolve in the family. And it starts right away!
After baby: a relationship to be reinvented
Leaving for two, they returned to three. Happy, still in shock and a little disoriented by the new rhythm of life, which immediately imposes itself, without granting any respite … A baby requires the constant attention of his parents and mobilizes a good part of their energy. They share the concerns and joys, and the daily challenge of knowing how to meet the needs of their child. This creates a beautiful complicity that, the first days, fills them fully. Estourbis by the novelty, exhausted by the shortened nights, they fall asleep each evening … like babies!
Then, little by little, they land. True, they have become parents , and this reality will now largely guide their existence . But they remain a couple. However, we must face the facts: things have changed. Difficult now to frolic freely when and where they want! Life is weighing down with unavoidable obligations. Parenthood has transformed the couple, and the look of one or the other has changed. As we must reorganize the daily, we must reconsider the intimate life. To find oneself, not as before, but as now. Reinventing the relationship, in short. The company requires attention. But the stakes are worth it.
Side woman: a body to find after the pregnancy
For 9 months, the mother-to-be saw her body transform. She was often accustomed to it with good grace because on arrival, there was the reward: the child. After the birth, she does not find as enchanting her body before – and there, no precise deadline to help him accept the metamorphosis.
For some women, the surprise is tough . Because it is indeed, in most cases, a surprise. The expectant mothers are not likely to be warned that they are likely to have a delicate course to go through, a trying time when they will prefer to avoid the mirrors. They were, especially at the end of pregnancy, the center of the world, we listened to them, pampered … And now the general attention postponed, from the maternity stay , on the baby! And that they are left more or less alone, facing the manifestations of a body that has undergone a real upheaval: fatigue, pains, aches, various discomforts … All things that obviously do not facilitate the desire or the awareness of its power of seduction.
The belly sometimes becomes more bulky empty than full . We did not necessarily understand it well, it does not disappear miraculously after childbirth. That belly, we did not know him. Many young mothers have only one wish: get rid of them as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, it will take several months to find the one we knew “before”: more or less flat, but in any case firmer.
It happens that the young mother hesitates to be naked in front of his companion , and to let his belly caress. Yet the desire of a man is not always subordinated to the plastic of the one he loves; it would be to underestimate male sexuality to claim it. And then, he does not even suspect what ultimately harms the well-being and availability of his companion even more than the “volume” of her belly: the physiological upheavals that take place there.
The organs gradually take their place . The uterus occupied during pregnancy an unusual space, and thus encroached on that of other organs, especially the intestines. The internal reorganization is not done without causing some discomfort. If there has been caesarean section , the internal scar increases this abdominal discomfort. Side genitals, episiotomy or not, the baby went through and the tissues remain sensitive …
The secretion of prolactin, the hormone that plays a role in the growth of the mammary glands and stimulates lactation, is significantly higher than normal in the period following delivery. It acts on the brain, and frankly decreases the libido.
The lack of appeal of many young moms for sex is therefore not at all bad will! No more disenchantment. A bundle of indisputable physical discomfort amply justifies it. This is a passage where neither partner should be alarmed. However, it happens that the new father also undergo disturbances that can disrupt his libido and the harmony of the couple.
Man side: a delicate position after pregnancy
It’s been nine months since the couple, it does not really hold the limelight! As a faithful companion and a future convinced father, he has coped as well as possible with the physical transformations and emotional fluctuations of his companion. He agreed to subordinate his wishes to his people. No doubt the certainty that this somewhat disturbing period will have an end helped her to overcome it … In some cases, it is not quite at the end of its sentences.
Not always easy to find his companion as before . The delivery is not equivalent to a magic wand that would make the girlfriend come back in great shape! In fact, it is even more tired, less available. Did you have to suspect? The experience of birth, both masculine and feminine, is generally one of those which can only really be understood by living them.
Often the baby holds all the space . That too, a young dad heard him say: a newborn baby needs constant care. But he did not necessarily measure the impact on the love life. If the daytime activity of her companion is essentially turned towards the baby, it offers little other topic of conversation on his return home. A fascinating subject, certainly, but one that favors tenderness more than eroticism. As for the nocturnal activity … The nights are short, punctuated with untimely awakenings. At first, it is unclear if and when the baby will wake up; and we do not always dare to hug, lest they be abruptly interrupted, generating a very unpleasant frustration.
Sometimes the man feels a little neglected . In the majority of cases, the happiness of becoming a father does not exclude a certain impatience to become again the lover, the beloved. However, his partner does not seem to have (yet) “the head to that”. That she has a special relationship with the little being out of her womb, that there is something exclusive in this relationship that escapes her, that to install her own relationship to the newborn requires more time, it can admit it (more or less willingly). But he sometimes has the unpleasant feeling of passing for a negligible amount, even a nuisance. Would it have been by chance used as a parent, and rejected once his office accomplished?
Frustration can also be guilt-stained if the young dad gets caught up in a bit of hostility toward the newcomer. He – or she – “benefits” from the body of the woman, her breasts in particular. He receives caresses, smiles and sweet words in abundance. Jealousy towards his offspring is not an easy feeling to assume. But abandoning it to him would be the worst solution. And both mother and child need the father, right from the start.
What attitude do we expect from the young father? The question, already relevant during pregnancy, arises again. Should the lover fade behind the father? Should he silence his desires, or even silence them? Certainly not. But to try to impose them would be less opportune than ever. It is up to him to give his place to eroticism in the relationship of the couple, with patience and skill.
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After baby: a gradual rediscovery of sexuality
Even when sexual harmony prevailed throughout pregnancy, everyone’s libido has had its ups and downs. Perhaps the lover had to put his desires on the end in mute. In short, he knows the need to adapt. This can strengthen, precisely, his impatience to return to the “normal”. But if that is the case, he will reach his goal much more surely by using seduction.
To become a lover again, a new mother often needs time . She must above all wish it. She lives a state of grace, her intimate relationship with her baby fulfills her emotional needs, and even sensual, especially if she breastfeeds. She settles comfortably in this relationship, without intention to harm her companion, without even thinking that he can suffer. If he does not tell her anything, she could go on ignoring him for a long time. If he reproached her with aggression, she would risk fleeing the conflict by taking refuge even more in this maternity so peaceful, so satisfactory.
It is by showing him his love that the man can try to give back to his companion the desire for a physical and sensual reunion . Despite the bliss that brings him maternity, she does not feel very comfortable in her body. She needs to be convinced that this does not alter the desire he feels for her, that she will or will soon become just as disturbing and desirable.
Re-mastering the body of his companion asks to take all his time . And to remember the time (not so far!) Where he was courting … and did not hesitate to release “the big game”: small bouquets, daily phone calls, declarations of love …
Ideally, he should also show his support . As a father, of course, investing as much as he can in baby care. As a companion, showing him that he takes into account his fatigue and blues blues almost inevitable. Extensive program! Not always easy to implement in reality …
To maintain the sensuality within the couple , caresses and massages are just as welcome as during pregnancy. And even more, because nothing better than these physical contacts to demonstrate to his companion that she still exists in his eyes as a woman.
Little by little, eroticism pierces under tenderness . But many young mothers have fears that must be calmed before returning to “classic” antics. For no less than imaginary reasons, they fear penetration. The solution: widen the range of caresses, refine them, extend them.
If a woman were afraid and difficult, her man would not be able to guess! He will feel his reluctance, however, that it conceals it under a forced consent or an attitude of flight. He could then conceive of unfounded doubts. We must put things in order: what she apprehends is sexual intercourse, not physical contact.
To love oneself to satiety, it usually takes time. Time without baby, quiet. Time entirely devoted to reunion. The young father could give impetus to these escapades. And even arrange them carefully, to prevent the anxious mother from retracting at the last minute.
Certainly, the first separations of his baby are painful! It happens that, from an erotic point of view, they do not immediately bring the expected satisfaction, parents can not totally prevent their thoughts from sailing to their child. They nonetheless tighten the bonds and encourage perseverance.
Several weeks are necessary before resuming “complete” sex. It is better to take the time necessary to rediscover oneself and enrich the relationship than to rush things at the risk of provoking misunderstanding and sourness. The important thing is that dialogue and sensuality remain at the rendezvous in the couple.
If over time chastity settles durably, even by mutual agreement, this often does not bode well . Mom and Dad are cooing around their baby in a chorus, that’s enough for their happiness … But it might just have a time! Admittedly, sexuality is not the only link of a couple; but no one can deny that mutual desire promotes complicity, indulgence and humor.